Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Solving our sleep troubles

Another photo from the vaults. Seriously time to fix my camera.

After finally accepting that Caleb's sleep troubles were not going to solve themselves, I knew it was time to take action. A friend sent me 'The Sleep Sense Program' a book, or pdf file in this case, that lays out plans to help babies and toddlers sleep through the night. Much of the content I had read elsewhere - make sure you have a consistent bedtime routine, encourage an attachment item.... - but this book had a clear 10 day plan for teaching your toddler to sleep. What I felt was different about this book was the option to cry it out while you stayed in the room. After two years of serious sleep deprivation, I was ready to give it a try. Sleeping is one thing I can not show Caleb how to do. I knew it was time for him to learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep on his own.

Here was the program:
Day 1-3: sit beside your toddlers bed.
Day 4-6: sit in the middle of the room
Day 7-9: sit by the door
Day 10: you should be able to say goodnight and let the baby fall asleep on their own with no tears involved.

Rules:
- Don't cave into their stall tactics (asking for water, etc, which Caleb is a master of).
- If they get out of bed, put them back in and tell them they need to stay in bed and if they get out again you will leave. If they get out again. Leave the room and close the door for 5 minutes.

I'm 5 nights in and here is how it has gone for me:

Day 1:
Cale was not impressed. He begged/cried for nearly an hour to get me to lay down on the floor beside him or to let him come into our room. At one point he even promised 'I'll close my eyes in mommy and daddy's room, I'll close my mouth!' Needless to say, night one was not easy. However, knowing that his tears were from being frustrated by not knowing how to fall asleep, as opposed to feeling abandoned or scared, made all the difference in the world to me. He could literally reach out and touch me I was so close to him, so he knew he wasn't alone. He did get out of bed a couple of times meaning I had to leave the room for a total of 10 minutes. After about an hour and 20 minutes he was asleep. He stayed asleep until 4 am, which was already a big improvement from his usual 11 pm-midnight wake up.

Day 2:
The book states that the first night is the hardest. In my case, the first 2 nights were the hardest. Cry time: 45 minutes. Falling asleep time (after he was done crying): 15 minutes
He got out of bed only once. He slept until midnight, I brought him back to bed and he immediately fell asleep until 6 am. Not bad.

Day 3:
Cry time: 5 minutes. Falling asleep time: 15 minutes. SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! 8 pm-6 am. Only a week ago, I honestly did not think this was even a possibility for us.

Day 4: Move to middle of the room
Cry time: 2-3 minutes. Falling asleep time: 25 minutes. Woke up at midnight, I put him immediately back to sleep. Slept until 5, I let him sleep with me until 7. Fatal mistake? We'll see....

Day 5:
Cry time: 0 minutes! Settling time: 15 minutes.

Woohoo! I'm starting to feel in control of my life again and evenings are no longer the hardest part of my day. I think we are really, really on our way towards having a toddler who consistently sleeps through the night. Which means mom and dad will also sleep through the night and I'll be feeling like a brand new woman in no time!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Beatlemania!

Caleb's 'Hey Jude' video was a hit on facebook, so I had to put some additional footage together for my blog. He is a true Beatles fan and loves watching (and playing along) with them on youtube even more than he enjoys watching Calliou!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Sleep (in stages)

My camera is broken, so I thought I'd share an old favorite family photo

As you may have gathered from recent posts, sleep is still not something we have mastered at our happy household. We are still dealing with two major issues - the falling asleep AND the staying asleep. There are two camps of thought on how to get babies to sleep through the night - the cry it out (let them wail until they sleep for consecutive nights, and it takes less and less time each night) or the co-sleep (don't worry, they grow up quickly, co-sleepings helps to form a really strong bond with your child and this doesn't last forever, ie. they won't want to cuddle you when they are teenagers). I am still struggling to find a middle ground. Night times tend to be a long drawn out battle, and as I've spent several hours laying on Caleb's floor waiting for him to fall asleep over the past few months, I've realized there are various stages that we go through each night - Disbelief, Resist, Delay, Final Opposition, Stealthy Esacpe.

First stage - Disbelief.
When I announce it is bedtime he acts completely shocked, despite the fact that he has already had his bath, bedtime snack and is wearing his pyjamas. He gives me a 'What??! How did this happen? We were having so much fun!' look, and pleas 'Let's play, mom, please! Not bedtime yet!'. I am able to eventually convince him to come to his room by promising that HE can choose some books to read. He does love the reading/cuddling part of the routine, so he usually gives in pretty quickly.

Second Stage - Resist.
After reading a few books, including one or two 'last' books, I say it is time to lay in bed. He really does not want to allow this to happen, UNLESS, I agree to lay beside him (on the floor). I feel a bit embarrassed writing that, and this is the first major change we are trying to make. In order to encourage him to fall asleep on his own without me right beside him, I've been trying to sit on the chair in his room instead of laying right beside him. Some nights it works, some nights after a particularly long battle, I become desperate and end up back on the floor.

Third Stage - Delay.
This is when the stall tactics come out. He's already laying down in his bed, lights are off, and the 'I need a drink!', 'I don't like this blanket', 'I need my monkey' lines start. He usually gets one drink, which I keep right beside me.

Fourth Stage - Final Opposition.
One last effort on his part to fight the sleep, which he now realizes is inevitable. Rolling, talking, singing, kicking his legs in the air, basically as much movement as possible to keep himself awake. I lay silently beside him on the floor, pretending to be asleep. This stage can last between 5-30 minutes and tends my least favorite part of my day. I'd much, much rather be spending a bit of time with Alan, or on my own during the precious few evening hours I have. But if I leave, he starts bawling, and I become conscious of the noise (neighbours upstairs with kids) and figure it is easier to just stay with him until he is asleep. I know I need to stand my ground and be more consistent, and that this will likely take some tears at some point, but I'm still holding on to some little shred of hope that this will all start getting better soon.

Final Stage - The Stealthy Escape.
He suddenly stops moving and his breathing becomes steady. He's asleep. I now use my ninja-like moves to silently exit the room. If a floorboard squeaks, I could be done for, so I ever-so-slowly get up and re-enter the real world.

I guess there is another stage. The Wake Up, which does still happen, but we are working to make that better, too. Basically he would much, much rather sleep with us. I know I am not helping the situation because I often cave and let him into our bed in the middle of the night. I just find it so tiring to get up and wait until he falls back asleep in the middle of the night. Especially if I need to work the next day. I'm insanely busy next week with work which includes a few nights away, but the following week - we are dealing with this once and for all. More updates to come.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Valentine's Day


Caleb makes wonderful crafts with his class at school each week. He's learning to use scissors and loves getting covered in paint and glue. Last week his class made 'Valentine's bags' which made me realize that he would need some sort of Valentine's card to give to his classmates. I figured this would make a fun at home craft and give me a chance to try something new that I've read about - potato stamps! This was a super easy project and Caleb loved it. Definitely two year old appropriate!

Potato stamp!

Painting and stamping